How to Discuss Uncomfortable Topics as a Caregiver

Discussing sensitive topics with your loved one can be a difficult part of being a family caregiver.

Today, Trishna Bharadia shares 6 tips for approaching tricky topics with compassion, clarity, and respect.

When my dad was being treated for prostate cancer, and I became his caregiver, the two of us soon realized that not every conversation would be easy.

In fact, Dad said to me quite early on, "I never thought I'd be having these conversations with my daughter." This was following a discussion about incontinence, erectile dysfunction, and pelvic floor exercises.

Some of our conversations have been "embarrassing," while others have been "confronting." All have been very personal, with our levels of comfortability varying greatly.

6 tips for communicating uncomfortable topics with your loved one

1. Set aside some time for “awkward” discussions

Awkwardness is exacerbated if you're rushing through a conversation. If you know a talk will be more difficult than usual, set aside proper time for it.

Avoid having a hurried conversation when you're tied up with something else, distracted, or heading out the door. Instead, find a mutually convenient time and a quiet place so you won't be interrupted. A "safe space and time" can help put both of you at ease.

2. Avoid making assumptions

In the beginning, Dad often assumed I wouldn't want to talk about certain things and vice versa. Actually, this wasn't true for either of us.

Please don't assume you know what the other is thinking, regardless of how well you know them.

Everyone reacts differently to a diagnosis and the ongoing management of a condition. As caregivers, we can't (and shouldn't) predict the other's reaction. Some people may open up, while others may close themselves off more.

By making assumptions, we may misjudge the situation and how it makes our loved one feel. So, don't assume - keep asking what's going through their mind, then go from there.

3. Open up about your feelings

Opening up about how you feel is a natural follow-on from never assuming. None of us are mind readers.

I want to know if Dad feels uncomfortable discussing certain subjects with me. Likewise, he wants to hear if I'd rather not discuss certain things with him.

Honest communication is essential when the conversations are with other people present. When I go with my dad to a doctor's appointment, we must give the healthcare professional a clear picture of what's happening. It's one thing not to make assumptions; it's another to open up about our feelings.

4. Set clear boundaries

Dad and I have set clear boundaries around what we're comfortable with and what's appropriate in certain situations.

For instance, sometimes I only attend part of his doctor's appointments, as Dad has things he'd prefer to discuss alone. We go through all the other things first, and then I leave the room so Dad can continue the conversation. 

We explain this to the healthcare team beforehand so they know what they should and shouldn't be discussing in front of me.

I don't take offense. I'll speak up if I feel I can add value to the topic. Ultimately, though, it's up to Dad, and I respect that.

5. Consider alternative support if necessary

If there are things that Dad would prefer not to discuss with me, then I help him to identify alternative patient support. That could be from healthcare professionals, support groups, charities, or other family and friends.

I stay up-to-date on available support, services, and information channels so that I can signpost Dad to other places if necessary.

6. Remember - not everything needs to be deadly serious!

While sharing a laugh may not be appropriate in every situation, it can help lighten the mood at the right time. When it comes to the more "embarrassing" discussions, Dad and I often have a giggle. This saps some of the tension and awkwardness out of the situation.

If nothing else, it puts us both in a happy mood that fortifies us for the rest of the discussion.

The takeaway

Nobody gets it right all the time. There have been times when he or I have misjudged a situation, resulting in anger, disappointment, or embarrassment on the other side.

It can happen. But, instead of shutting down, we talk about how to avoid it happening again, and then we move on.

When one or both of you live with an illness, awkward conversations are part of life. It's better to be prepared if you can be!

The information presented is solely for educational purposes, not as specific advice for the evaluation, management, or treatment of any condition.

The individual(s) who have written and created the content in and whose images appear in this article have been paid by Teva Pharmaceuticals for their contributions. This content represents the opinions of the contributor and does not necessarily reflect those of Teva Pharmaceuticals. Similarly, Teva Pharmaceuticals does not review, control, influence or endorse any content related to the contributor's websites or social media networks. This content is intended for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered medical advice or recommendations. Consult a qualified medical professional for diagnosis and before beginning or changing any treatment regimen. 

NPS-ALL-NP-00786 NOVEMBER 2023